Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Read more. 42. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. What did you do? I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. 2. Of course, he responded. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Now, lets try it again! Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? But something struck me as odd. SUB sandwiches! Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. He is the Founder and . Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. 35. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Co-Pilot: What?!. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. SUB sandwiches! After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? 11. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. Rodrigues there? Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. In-dough-structible One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Caller: Is Sgt. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. 1. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. What does ARMY mean to you? and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! They bagged six. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. MARCH! Im 81 years old, he answered. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. It helps to keep the pilot cool. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. 37. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. Caller: Sgt. Aviation Humor. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Marines Say OOOOORAH! Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. How much noise can we make up here? A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Speed is life. 49. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. We are directly under the moon.. March forth! I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Nothing, she said. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. The two lads objected strongly. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? At least SEVEN Cs! He had the same plane as yours. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. It was sheer brilliance. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. What do hungry Marines eat? While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. Where are you from? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. 30. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. . Me: Still the wrong number. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Anecdotes 2. Do you have change for a dollar? (pointing at the sky). He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Me: No, I dont. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Anecdotes 1. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Return to Humor Index. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Large mahogany desk.. Airmens mess, sir.. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Rodrigues there? I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Decodes 7. He nodded. 6. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Military 3. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. 4. Aeronautical Humor. Marine: Wait, stop. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. St. Caller: Is Sgt. Fish Food. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. Pilots 5. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! 3. 1. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Then came Dads ships turn. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. A drill serGENTLEMEN! The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Want more amazing military jokes? This is really good, he said. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Its where we park the helicopters.. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Louis, I grumbled. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. There are many branches of the military. Rodrigues there? S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Full Disclosure Here. 54. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Bad altitude. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. 15. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. 41. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Flight Announcements 4. 4. August 15, 2021. The other replied, Not me! The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. I was very nervous, she said. 27. But yours is.. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Ocean Pearl, I answered. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. You can see why: What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? 39. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Me: No. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? And )second What would As A.J. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. So I quit ordering it.. Whats an LMD? I asked. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. She also liked her scotch. No, we dont, she said. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. The Marine said Are you crazy? As A.J. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Aviation JOKES. Military jokes! Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Yes, she said. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. 66. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. It took the poor guy all day. What are you doing? I asked. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. 9. The Lasting Supper It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. 18. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. How old are you? a tenant asked. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with.

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